From time immemorial, the norms of sexual behavior for different categories of people were divided into belonging to one or another culture, but even within the same culture, there were differences. The most common of these differences is the standard, i.e., different norms of sexual behavior for men and women.
The ideal of “eternal femininity” of bourgeois morality of the XIX century. there were arguments the woman should be gentle, beautiful, soft, affectionate, but at the same time massive and dependent, allowing the man to feel towards her strong, energetic and prosperous. These feminine qualities are still highly appreciated today, forming the core of the man’s understanding of femininity, but in the female self-awareness, new features also appeared. To become a man on an equal footing, a woman must be intelligent, energetic, enterprising, that is, possess properties that were previously considered to be a monopoly of men. To deal with such a woman is much more interesting for a man, but at the same time more difficult.
The stereotype of masculinity remains the same. “Traditional” masculinity put forward such qualities as physical strength, suppression of tenderness, a functional attitude toward a woman and at the same time incontinence in the expression of “strong” feelings (anger, passion, etc.). “Modern” masculinity puts the intellect above physical strength, allows and even requires the manifestation of tenderness and spiritual subtlety, as well as curbing “gross” feelings and impulses, etc. But these normative expectations are contradictory, and their ratio is not the same in different social spheres (in less educated people, the notions of masculinity are more traditional) and at different stages in the life path.
What are the cardinal differences? It turned out that the most striking differences are in certain psychological stimuli to which a woman reacts sexually or does not react. The Kinsey statistics show 33 psychological stimuli that excite a man – from female zippers to striptease, from pornographic pictures to erotic fantasies. In comparison, the woman is prone to only some dreamy, light emotional sensations associated with something like watching romantic pictures and reading romantic literature. The conclusion is that the sexual psychology of a woman is radically different from a man’s. It is difficult to eroticize, it blushes and retreats at the thought of sexual intercourse and is only aroused when it concentrates entirely on its biological role of the mother. However, this is not quite so: it is not so indifferent to the 33 psychological stimuli that many believe make up the gulf between the sexes. For example: 32% of women have the art of erotic stimulation; 48% is excited when looking at the male sexual organs; 58% are excited when looking at the man to whom they are attracted.
Not only culture, but also time changes the reactions of both men and women to sexual stimuli. So, movie stars of past years expressed their sexuality with elusive movements of the body, hints, eyes and voice, unlike modern ones, who not only have to bare themselves to the limit, but often tempt a man and demand from him love.
As many special studies show, erotic dreams, dreams, fantasies are an inalienable aspect of our sexual life. They not only replace practical sex life or make up for its deficiency, as Freud thought 3. but constantly accompany it. People who have a more active sex life are also characterized by a more intense erotic imagination that reinforces, stimulates and diversifies their real experience.
Erotic images perform 4 main functions. First, they are means of cognition, reflecting and fixing sexually significant properties and experiences. Secondly, they serve as a kind of psychological stimulants of sexual excitement. Third, they expand the scope and possibilities of sexual satisfaction, enriching the repertoire of sexual behavior and supplementing it with new nuances. Fourthly, the erotic imagination allows an individual to overcome the boundaries of reality, sometimes quite severe, and experience experiences that are physically inaccessible to him.
The erotic imagination of an individual almost never coincides completely with his real sexual behavior, he always has elements that the person for various reasons can not or does not try to realize.
Erotic dreams and fantasies of men and women reflect the fundamental differences of their positions. According to Schnabl, erotic dreams are seen by three-fifths of men and about half of women. And erotic dreams before the onset of sexual activity are only in 28% of women, and by the age of 40 this figure is 50%. Of the 500 women interviewed by Z. Rozhanovskaya, erotic dreams were in 240, and in 111 they were accompanied by orgasm. Like men, women have erotic fantasies, including during masturbation and sexual intercourse, but the content of male and female fantasies is different. According to Hunt, the common dream of both sexes is affinity with a loved one; but otherwise the male and female fantasies are different. Men often imagine sexual intercourse with outsiders, group sex or coercion of someone to have sex; women more often imagine sexual acts that they would never have realized in reality, situations where they become victims of violence.
Even in antiquity it was noticed that a man has a low erotic threshold: he is excited more quickly and more often than a woman. You-Sin wrote: “A man belongs to yang, a feature of yang is that he is easily excited. The woman belongs to yin, the feature of yin is that it is difficult to stir up, but it is difficult to saturate. ”
The differences between men and women are clearly expressed in the duration of the main phases of the copulatory cycle, first described objectively by Masters and Johnson: 1) agitation; 2) “plateau”, when sexual arousal does not increase, but is maintained at a certain level; 3) orgasm and 4) “resolution”, release of tension. The peculiarity of the copulatory cycle for men is a rapid increase in excitation, followed by ejaculation and an almost instantaneous release of tension, in contrast to women in whom a more gently sloping excitation line rises to the “plateau” phase, followed by a further increase in excitation resulting in orgasm or a series of orgasms, and , finally, the line of excitation, gradually decreasing, completes the phase of “permission.”
As R.Street points out, in sex, nature has endowed the man with three features: he is quickly excited, quickly gets satisfaction and just as quickly after that loses the desire to continue the love game. It would be ideal, the author notes, if these features were also in women, but they do not.
Thus, the sexual excitability of men as a whole is higher than that of women. Most often, the sexual excitability of women is closely related to a good mood, against which sex is more successfully achieved. Emotional reactions and psychophysiological localization of erotic sensations in women are more diverse. Male sexuality, so to speak, phallocentric: its culmination is intromission and ejaculation, all the “rest” is called “preliminary caresses” and “completion.” Female sexuality is more diffuse, it involves more erogenous zones. It is known that the most sensitive and erotic stimuli are the areas of the body in which the sexual “Dogel’s bodies” are located. The woman has the maximum density of their location in the area of the clitoris, small labia, the outer third of the vagina. The clitoris, consisting of the head, body and tail, has an uneven sensitivity due to the fact that the sexual bodies are located on it asymmetrically. The most sensitive places for a woman are the breast, halos and nipples.Erogenic zones include areas along the vertebral column from the head (crown, occiput) to the coccyx (approximately 40 cm band) .In addition, women are sensitive enough to the ear, especially the lobes and the external auditory canal, eye lids, tongue, lips, palate, mouth mucosa, anterior and lateral surface of the neck, palm, especially soft fingertips, palm ridge, lower third of abdomen, inner and back thighs and some other areas of the body. same the main erotic sensations are associated with irritation of the clitoris, and not with subsequent intromission, however, the vaginal sensations can also be very acute.Women more clearly than men distinguish between orgasm achieved by masturbation and coital orgasm.This is probably due to the fact, that women know their body better and more accurately verbalize emotional experiences.All these varied individual variations are within the psycho-physiological norm, and they are neglected by men who are naively convinced that everything lo in penile length and depth intromission – one of the most common causes of female sexual dissatisfaction.
A woman is capable of multiple orgasms, that is, after one orgasm she can reach another, whereas a man, with rare exceptions, after a few ejaculations, does not react for a while to sexual stimulation (refractory period, the phase of sexual unutterability). According to Kinsey, even in the period of optimal sexual potency, ie, at the age of about 20 years, only 15% of men are able “in a short time” to have a second sexual intercourse (of men aged 35, only 7%). Ejaculation of a man very often contributes to the creation of a special psychological state, which manifests itself in a sudden sense of loss of any interest in a woman. In some cases, even aversion to a partner arises and disgust for oneself. The Greek sage Galen said about this: “After coition, all animals are sad, except for women and cocks.” Some men hardly endure the “consequences” of sexual intercourse: a man’s inability to recognize temporary weakness is often expressed in the application of such a method of psychological defense as “rationalization” – self-justification by reducing the importance and merit of a woman; or in an attempt to “sleep their helplessness”, tormented by the search for an answer to the question: “How could I just love her before that?”.
Female sexual reactions are more than masculine, dependent on general psychological, especially emotional, factors. Among the reasons that bind women’s sexuality are anti-sexual attitudes, Puritan upbringing in childhood, lack of timely sexual education, a primitive technique of sexual intercourse, ignoring the preparatory period associated with love caresses, and so on.
The woman’s sexual satisfaction seems to be greater, than men, depends on such psychological circumstances as feelings of tenderness and love for a partner, a sense of intimacy with him, satisfaction from bodily openness, the joy of consciousness, that she is a subject of admiration, an awareness of her own sexual competence, etc. Of course, these qualities appreciate and men, but, according to Schnabl, the lack of tenderness and warmth from the partner complain three times more women than men. According to Stark and Friedrich, among women who are happy with their partner, they always experience an orgasm of 51%, and among the unhappy – only 22%.
Some social factors that go beyond the framework of paired relations deserve attention. It is shown that working women, especially those engaged in mental work, have higher sexual reactivity, lead a more active sex life and are more satisfied with it than housewives. In general, sexual satisfaction of women significantly correlates with their overall social activity and satisfaction with their lives. In men, there is no such dependence. Unfortunately, the causal relationship of these factors – whether the active, creative life style affects sexuality or whether the more active, creative type of person feels better and more fully manifests itself in different spheres of life is not studied. Meanwhile, it is very important for understanding the social factors of women’s sexuality and its changes as a result of the emancipation of women and their involvement in labor and social life.