The modern follower of the teachings of the Tao of love Zhang Zhonglan compares impotence with colds – unpleasant and annoying, but there is nothing to fear, and it is easy to warn if a man knows how to do it. “If men perceived impotence as prosaically as a cold,” he writes, “it would be much less. The only case of temporary impotence can activate a man deep seated fear of constant impotence. “
The most important thing that every man should know, regardless of what his potency is, is that erectile dysfunction is completely overcome, if it has psychological reasons. Further in this chapter are given tips that will successfully help a man to overcome it independently if there are no organic diseases requiring treatment by a sex therapist and if he has not yet developed a sexual neurosis.
And yet, it is important to know every man – in the vagina of a woman you can enter even a completely un-aggregated or weakly-erected penis. This is called the soft input technique. It is described further.
The man has no reason to fear that he will ever fail. Even if problems with erection become a frequent phenomenon – in many cases it is quite successfully overcome.
In general, we can say that the attitude to male potency is overvalued, that is, to it many people, both men and women – are overly concerned, overestimate its significance.
As it turns out during questioning, it is the psychological side of this problem, the fear of dropping oneself in the eyes of the partner and being compromised, one’s own reputation and the ability to feel like a full-fledged man and sexual partner – most of all worries many men, and not the loss of their ability to experience orgasm.
But even if a man completely loses the ability to experience orgasm, and this is also not fatal – many women live who have never experienced orgasm, there are many men who have never experienced orgasm.
It does not follow from what has been said that this is a normal phenomenon. But this issue should not be overemphasized. Even to the loss of the arm or leg, a serious illness of the internal organs, many men are not so painful as to the loss of potency. And completely in vain.
First, even with a persistent loss of potency due to organic causes, one can live with this if one does not make tragedy out of it.
Secondly, most cases of impotence are successfully treated. And in many cases, the erection can be overcome by the man himself.
All scientific evidence suggests that temporary impotence is a natural and widespread phenomenon. However, most men refuse to believe it. Or they believe in it, but nevertheless, are embarrassed and ashamed of their weak potency. And completely in vain.
Although the term “impotence” is widely used in everyday life, and in the scientific literature, from the psychotherapeutic point of view, the use of this term is hardly advisable, since it carries a pejorative meaning and connotation of helplessness. The official diagnosis of “impotence” is for a man a serious mental trauma, can cause him depression and a sense of despair.
The word “impotence” comes from the Latin “im” – denial and “potentia” – the force – that is, sexual impotence. One of the definitions of impotence reads: “Impotence – the inability to perform sexual intercourse due to sexual insolvency.”
Technically, the term “impotence” implies that a man can not just enter the penis into the woman’s vagina, perform frictions and perform sexual intercourse.
But if the penis of a man does not erect, the man is not at all helpless. He can satisfy his partner in a different way, for example, with the help of cunnilingus or other stimulation of the clitoris. At the same time, he can not get satisfaction himself, but this means only the lack of orgasm and ejaculation, that is, his own sexual pleasure. But the absence of one’s own pleasure is not a synonym for helplessness.
Accordingly, the use of the term “impotence” in a literal translation does not reflect the essence of the problem. There is a synonym for this term – “erectile dysfunction”, the use of which is more appropriate.
However, the discussion about the correct use of terms has more theoretical value for professionals. Here it is used only for practical purposes – to convince the reader that in reality neither sexual impotence nor sexual insolvency is involved, but there is only the impossibility of committing a sexual act while preserving the possibility of satisfying the partner in other ways.
Oral sex (in this case cunnilingus) is now considered to be equal, and in some cases, a much more preferred way of satisfying a woman. In other countries, it has long been practiced regularly by many couples, and statistics say that such marriages are the most durable. And among couples not related to marital ties, oral sex is used even more often.
Currently, most known Western sex therapists believe that vaginal orgasm does not exist at all, and orgasm is directly related to the clitoris, but only the degree of its stimulation and its duration in different women are different.
For a woman with oral sex, it does not matter whether her partner has an erection, or not. The main thing is that she feels pleasure. Men with a weak erection, but sexual altruists are even more preferred as sexual partners for some women, since such men do not depend on their own ejaculation and orgasm.
A partner with a normal erection who conducts sexual intercourse, after her own orgasm, loses the ability to excite erogenous zones, and only very few men are able to fondle a woman in refractory pause to have an orgasm. A man, a sexual altruist, even with a weak erection, is able to give a woman the opportunity to experience a series of orgasms, because the man himself does not depend on either ejaculation or refractory period.
In addition, a decrease or even absence of an erection from a partner does not mean that he can not achieve sexual relaxation and sexual satisfaction at all. He can not get it only in one of the options – with sexual intercourse. And in all other cases can, if there are no organic diseases of the genital area.
Only with the primary, congenital impotence (that is, when a man has never had a normal erection in his life), it is possible that he can not reach orgasm with any of the existing methods of stimulation.
And men with primary impotence are very few – only 1%. And even then it remains questionable whether they really can never reach orgasm. As a rule, the total absence of an erection is such a strong psychological trauma for a man, that he is afraid of women panicky, and negative psychological factors also come into play.
Theoretically, it can be assumed that if all the men with primary impotence were caressed by experienced sexual partners, then some, if there is no serious pathology, this violation could be overcome. But, unfortunately, this is only theoretical, and in real life it is very difficult for such a man to find a partner who would be so patient, gentle and affectionate that she could somehow change the situation for the better.
And with functional impotence, a man can get sexual discharge with other methods of stimulation.
First, some of the men with weakened erection can achieve orgasm with masturbation or using the achievements of the sex industry, designed to stimulate the penis and satisfaction with the help of various devices.
Secondly, in some men, an erection may occur with manual stimulation (partner’s hand).
Thirdly, many of those who can not achieve a normal erection for the introduction of the penis into the vagina, reach sexual satisfaction with fellatia, that is, the oral caresses of the male partner penis.
And fourthly, a man even without an erection still has the opportunity to get psychological satisfaction if his partner enjoys cunnilingus.
That is, summarizing all of the above, you can sum up – a man with a weak erection and even with an erection, firstly, is not powerless and not helpless, and he can satisfy his sexual partner, and secondly, he can get satisfaction with himself using one of the above methods.
All sexologists say that if a man can achieve a good erection in any way, then organic impotence is not talking, but it’s about impotence functional. And it’s easier to fight with her.
It follows that a man with a weak erection should not treat this as an irreparable tragedy. The importance of erection by modern men is greatly overestimated.
And that’s the big fault of women. It is the woman sometimes extremely painful to the fact that the partner can not have sexual intercourse.
Earlier it was already said that cunnilingus is the same equitable way of satisfying a woman, as well as sexual intercourse. Modern “sexually literate women” this is exactly how they treat it, alternating coitus with cunnilingus in their sexual life, and some prefer only cunnilingus for their own satisfaction, and they only resort to sexual intercourse if their partner insists on it. There are couples who use only oral sex – cunnilingus and felation.
And “sexually illiterate” women in our country consider “normal” sex life only to be a dream, and cunnilingus and fellacy are considered “perversion.” But it only talks about their low sexual culture.
If our compatriots otherwise treated this problem, as it is accepted in all civilized countries, then we would have much fewer men suffering from an inferiority complex due to a weak erection.
The trouble of modern men is their sexual selfishness. Most modern men tend only to their own satisfaction and the inevitable sexual dysfunction in every sexual act. Even those men who are still well with the potency, if they are looking for sexual intercourse in sexual intercourse and orgasm, are at risk for sexual abuse in the future. Sexologist Z. Zalitis thinks that such men most often become patients of sexopathologists.
The attitude towards this problem among the ancient Chinese Taoists was completely different. They enjoyed the process of sexual intercourse and the appearance of a naked woman. In the ancient Chinese treatises dedicated to the Tao of love, very practical advice is given. They recommend that men relax, enjoy themselves and the erotic attributes of a sexual partner, not fixing on their own erections and concentrating only on the erotic stimulation of the partner.
The Taoists paid very great attention to erotic caresses, including cunnilingus and felation. There was a whole science of erotic kissing. Even a kiss on the lips they described as poetry, and many treatises of ancient Chinese philosophers of the healers-dao are dedicated to this art. The same attention they paid to the kisses and caresses of the female breast. Men truly enjoyed these caresses themselves, and even more from the awareness that these affectioners are flourishing from their partners.
Taoists did not even think about erection. Therefore they did not know the word “impotence”. The ancient Chinese never considered it a serious problem. Even if a man for organic reasons had a weak erection – and it was extremely rare – they did not fix it. The main thing for them was to give maximum pleasure to the woman. And they had opportunities for this. Therefore, the concept of “impotence” for them simply did not exist.
If the partner enjoyed and was satisfied with the refined caresses of the partner, – the man considered himself satisfied. Ejaculation and orgasm during sexual intercourse with a woman they had in the last place.
If you learn from such positions to treat sexual intercourse with a woman, then you will not have painful experiences because of a weak erection.
If a man refuses the urge to experience orgasm with every sexual encounter, as the ancient Chinese practiced, he will conquer himself and overcome his complexes. There is no tragedy. If an erection and orgasm does not have such a paramount importance for you, then your problem may well be decided by itself.
It is possible that with this attitude to sexual intercourse, when you stop looking at your penis and wait with tension, whether an erection will come or not, it will come to you without your aspiration when you caress your partner to give her the highest enjoyment.
Men who at least once in their life have seen what a long orgasm with cunnilingus a woman experiences, how she enjoys and how her muscles contract violently, including the muscles of the abdominal press – they know that while a strong erection occurs instantly, even if before that she does not It was.
The kind of orgasmic woman is a very strong release for a man who excites him much more than other types of stimulation.
And when a grateful partner throws herself on your neck, showering with kisses, – then a man with a beautiful erection capable of intercourse for a long time, but not able to give a woman pleasure, since she has an orgasm is clitorical, and he does not stimulate it clitoris, and except for primitive intercourse, nothing else is able.