Most modern foreign sexologists and some domestic sexologists consider adult masturbation even useful. In some cases, it is really necessary. The method of sex therapy, developed by sex therapists for the treatment of sexual disorders, necessarily includes masturbation. It is believed that if a person does not know his body and ways of effective stimulation, it negatively affects his sexual functions and the ability to experience orgasm. This is especially important in the treatment of sexual coldness in women, since the vast majority of men have experience of masturbation.
But what has been said applies to adults. With regard to adolescents, there are different opinions, including the fact that if a teenager does not have the experience of masturbation, then he is not familiar with orgasm, and this can negatively affect his sexual functions. In general, the opinion of domestic sexologists is this: moderate masturbation in adolescence does not have any negative consequences, and since almost all the masturbating boys, parents should not be so afraid and act with repressive methods. Masturbation is harmful only if it is excessive or some sophisticated methods are used, for example, insertion of foreign objects into the urethra or a combination of masturbation with the introduction of objects into the anus.
My attitude to this problem is this: masturbation in adolescence should not be regarded as a necessity, if the teenager himself does not strive for such sexual discharge. But parents must necessarily explain to the son that at this age his sexual maturation takes place, sex hormones accumulate, sperm are produced, sexual tension arises. If the teenager does not resort to masturbation, then the sperm will retire at nocturnal pollutions, and the sexual tension will subside until the next time.
Be sure to explain that many guys begin to masturbate just because they are trained by their peers. In fact, masturbating is not necessary, the body itself is able to regulate sexual tension.
Explain to your son that just to imitate peers or out of curiosity, you should not start masturbating, if he does not have such a desire.
But if the sexual tension of a teenager is extremely intense, then the persuasion will not help. Therefore, treat this reasonably, having warned your son that masturbation should not be excessive. Do not frighten him with the “terrible” consequences of masturbation, that he will grow bald, deaf, blind or become impotent – firstly, this is not true, and secondly, you will do much worse by forming complexes and feelings of guilt from your son. In many cases, the cause of the problem with sexual attraction and erection in adult men is associated with the intimidation of the effects of masturbation in childhood and adolescence. Becoming an adult, such a man is afraid of women, he is not sure whether he will get a sexual act with a woman, and the more a man fears and doubts, the more chances that he really will fail (see the chapter “Why men masturbate” ).
Talking with parents who were extremely concerned about my son’s masturbation, I found out that the parents themselves also did not stay away from self-satisfaction. Embarrassed and blushing, they admitted that they had tried masturbating a long time ago, but they started to make excuses with ardor. So why, in justifying themselves, do they blame the son? In addition, some fathers now also resort to self-gratification. But for some reason they think that grown men “sometimes can”, but the son is in no case impossible.
The father believes that with interruptions in the sexual life, if the wife is sick or refuses to the husband in the vicinity, then the man has nothing else to do but to satisfy himself. “It’s still better than looking for random connections and risking contracting a sexually transmitted disease,” one troubled father told me. And the son, who enters the age of puberty, and whose body is saturated with hormones, is not less, or even more than that of the 40-year-old father, it turns out, one should seek detente in casual connections, risking syphilis or worse, with AIDS? Or does the pope have the opportunity to offer his son a different version of sexual discharge, except for self-satisfaction and sexual intercourse?
The early onset of sexual activity is fraught with even greater undesirable consequences. First of all, this affects the mental development of the adolescent. All the interests of the adolescent are reoriented, excessively active sex life can be at the expense of his studies and social development. Inability to properly build their relationships with a sexual partner, to behave correctly during sexual intercourse will inhibit the development of his sexuality, and he, even becoming an adult, will treat sex as a phenomenon that has a purely physiological, rather than a psychological aspect. Unlikely, matured, he will become a gentle and gentle lover and a good husband, will be able to carefully and attentively treat his partner. And what leads to promiscuous sexual relations at such an immature age – you yourself know very well.
Do not scold your son if he began to spend all the time with the same girl, gives her little gifts, calls on the phone, escorts to school. This is a completely normal stage of the teenager’s psychosexual development. If the parents forbid him to contact the girl he is in love with, or in principle to forbid sex, arguing that it is too early for him, it will only cause negativity (negative attitude, opposition), a protest reaction, and forbidden sex Will seem attractive.
Parents themselves should understand for themselves that physical contact with a contemporary at this age is quite natural and even necessary for normal psychosexual development. And, from the craving for a representative of the opposite sex to intimacy with her, – with the right sex education can take years.
In bodily contact with a contemporary, not only does the erotic libido take place, but the natural curiosity of the adolescent is met. He learns to feel his beloved, studies his own reactions and the reactions of the girl in the process of contact.
Parents should explain to their son that even before intimacy there is an opportunity to study their own sexuality and the partner’s reaction to affection, that besides sexual intercourse there are other variants of sexual intercourse, which will bring him a lot of pleasant and much less grief than premature sexual life.
The father should explain to the son the physiology of sexual intercourse, to tell what awaits the son at intimacy and what usually ends the first unsuccessful experience. To explain that such a sexual act will bring him only disappointments, and he is no better than masturbation, and in the future the first failure can negatively affect his sexuality.
At this age the teenager should already know as much information as possible about normal sexual life and sexual perversions. Many teenagers with a perversion of sexual desire who do not know anything about the physiology of a normal sexual life, since their parents did not explain anything to themselves, do not even realize that they are doing something unnatural, satisfying their sexual desire, because they also experience an orgasm , And it’s nice for them. And if it’s nice, then it’s good.
Many teenagers do not know what sexual perversions are. Yes there are teenagers! Most adults do not know anything about them either. If you ask a thousand people what forms of sexual satisfaction are considered perverted, then almost all will be called only homosexuality. In fact, there are several dozens of different perversions (sexual perversions), about which people do not know anything. In the corresponding section you will read about the most common perversions and find out why they arise. You will find that incorrect sexual education plays an important role in the distortion of sexual desire.
The teenager should learn about sexual perversions from the parents, so that the attitude to what is the norm, and that the pathology, – it was clear.
Do not think that telling a teenager about the physiology of sexuality and sexual perversion, parents thereby cause the increased interest of the son to perversions. Nothing like this. Attractive for teenagers is exactly what is forbidden and what is hidden. If this is a normal teenager without psychic abnormalities, with normal psychosexual development, then with proper sex education, he will never become a “pervert”.
And if he has personal anomalies and disorders of psychosexual development, then he should be treated by a psychiatrist. In these cases, even if the parents hide from him all information on gender issues, he will find himself how to realize his attraction, and most likely, it will take surrogate or perverted forms from him.