When the libido moves from the Platonic to the erotic stage, the adolescent has an interest in the intimate side of the relationship between the sexes, erotic literature, and photographs of erotic content.
In works of fiction, adolescents like the description of the rendezvous scenes and explanations in love. An adult in these descriptions may not find a hint of sexuality, but they excite the imagination of the teenager and encourage him to erotic fantasies.
This interest can, like an epidemic, spread to a team of teenagers with normal psychosexual development. Only children with delayed psychosexual development and hormonal insufficiency remain indifferent to him.
Erotic stage is expressed in the desire for tenderness and affection – gentle words and touches. According to G.V.Silchenko, “this stage, which is extremely characteristic for the development of female sexuality, is alien to the nature of the vast majority of young men and is more often observed in them with delays in psychosexual development.”
In the presence of a vivid erotic fantasy and interest, the erotic stage of libido formation is considered to have come only when realized with a partner. Only a stable implementation completes the formation of an erotic stage.
At the erotic stage of realization, libido often happens without orgasm. This causes frustration (a feeling of dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction). But at this stage, the Russian sex-pathologists regard frustration as a progressive phenomenon, which encourages further action and forms a transition to the sexual stage.
But there may be forms and also to start fighting terrorism, for example, petting (friction of sexual relations between two partners with the onset of sexual dysfunction) or masturbation – a surrogate form of sexual activity with an autoerotic orientation (sexual attraction is directed at oneself) or masturbation is accompanied by Erotic fantasies, in which there is an object of attraction, or there may be unreal fantasies containing deviations from normal sexuality.
If such forms of realization of libido, accompanied by orgasm, are practiced for a long time, then there may be a delay in the formation of libido.
If there is a prolonged delay in the formation of the libido, then erotic sex is more closely intertwined in the erotic stage than sexual fantasy. There may be fixation on such distorted forms of its realization, backed up by orgasm, and after that – various sexual deviations (sexual deviations) and perversions (sexual perversions – for example, narcissism). And here the erotic stage of libido is already merging with sexuality.
The realization of attraction can be associated with a particular situation or subject. For example, a teenager was caught for masturbation, and he experienced a strong orgasm. This associative relationship is fixed, and in the subsequent ordinary masturbation does not satisfy him anymore and he tries to masturbate in public, sexual perversion is formed – exhibitionism.
Or a teenage masturbates next to some object that happened to be near by accident, but he associates orgasm with this particular subject, and later fetishism can develop (sexual arousal at the sight of certain objects – clothes, linen, etc.).
The main criterion for the completion of each stage is that VM Maslov and co-authors consider fixing in practice. While there is no realization and confirmation of the teenager’s fantasies, it seems to “hang” between the stages of libido – between platonic realization and the erotic stage, between erotic realization and the formation of sexual desire.
Parents should know that if a teenage son walks in an embrace with a girl and kisses with her, then there’s nothing terrible about that. This is normal behavior, characteristic of the erotic stage of libido. That is, in this case there is a realization of erotic libido with a girl, which indicates the correct psychosexual development of your son. Many teenagers are quite enough of such physical contact (hugs, kisses, dances), and they do not even think of sexual intimacy.
But some parents, seeing the son kissing or hugging on the street with a girl, are horrified and accuse him of “debauchery.” In fact, no “dirty” thoughts, in which parents accuse a teenager, he may not be. Kisses and hugs, and even more so in public, just indicate that this is still an erotic stage of libido.
Adolescents who live sexually have already passed the erotic stage, so they do not exchange for such “trifles” as kisses. Unlike adults who in embraces and kisses see a preliminary erotic game, and for which this is a necessary prelude to intimacy, teenagers, when they have a desire for intimacy and an erection, try to immediately implement it. A teenager who already has an intimate relationship experience will retire with the girl in the apartment while the parents are at work, or hide with her partner in basements, attics, porches, or other secluded metamas where sexual intercourse can be performed, but will not kiss the girl On the street, as it is already “uninteresting” to him.
Therefore, if parents find a son kissing or hugging a girl, then do not be indignant. The craving for the opposite sex at this age is quite natural. And the desire for physical contact at the level of erotica, too. The main thing is that there is no early interest in intimacy, when the libido is not yet formed, and physically, psychologically and socially the teenager is not yet ready for a full sexual life.
Sensuality of a teenager is not yet developed, he knows little about not only the culture of sex, but also his needs and needs of the partner, does not feel her sexual reaction – and what a sexual reaction the teenage girl can have! The sensuality of a woman blossoms only to 25 years, and even later. Therefore, the first sexual intercourse of a teenager happens in a hurry, ejaculation can occur even before the introduction of the penis or after several frictions, and the teenager is embarrassed that he “disgraced himself.”
Failure of the first sexual experience can form an adolescent inferiority complex and completely discourage the taste of sex, even in adulthood. Hence all sorts of sexual disorders (lack of sexual desire, weak erection, premature ejaculation).
If a teenager is afraid to repeat his unsuccessful sexual experience, then later sexual attraction may take perverted forms, and a young man, and subsequently a man, can find another object of attraction (animal, fetish or a man of his sex who will be more lenient towards him). Accordingly, a variety of sexual perversions can form – narcissism, fetishism, exhibitionism, frotterism, homosexuality, zoophilia, pedophilia, gerontophilia and others.
In order that this does not happen to prevent the early onset of sexual activity and all the undesirable consequences of this, parents need to engage in sex education of the son even before the erotic stage of libido is formed.
Sex education of the child parents should start as early as possible so that he does not have an opinion that this is a taboo subject that will only strengthen his curiosity.
If you overcome your false prejudices that “it’s too early for a child to know”, if you can establish a confidential contact with him and you can talk about sexual education freely, and he, in turn, will tell you what he heard from his peers, and you You can refute these false ideas, then you will save him from many mistakes, and yourself – from great distress.
Do not think that your child does not know anything about sex. He knows a lot, but not everything that he should know, and most importantly – misinterprets his knowledge.
No matter how hard you try, you can not save your son from this information. It’s worth turning on the TV, and he can see the erotic scene in the movie. They are now shown at any time. If you close your son’s eyes or tell him to leave the room during the erotic scene – it will cause the opposite effect, he will be interested, and next time he will watch TV when you are not at home.
Now we have a lot of erotic publications, newspapers, magazines, where there are photos that will surely attract the attention of your son. On the shelves of street trays, he can see and flip through erotic magazines. Perhaps, there are some of them in your house. The child can view photos and read articles, the meaning of which he will not understand, if you have not explained to him earlier. Therefore, he interprets them in his own way.
Therefore, the best thing for parents is not to try to save the child from the flow of information – you can not do this, but rather direct the perception and processing of this information in the right direction.
If your child does not have an increased interest in sex problems, then any new information, even heard from peers, he can perceive reasonably. If he hears from his friends what you have not told him yet, he will be able to ask you for clarification. Of course, provided that you have a trusting relationship with him.
Do not be afraid to call things by their proper names. The child will still learn about everything from peers, but only this will be in a different interpretation.
If your son is whispering in the corners with his friends, who will tell him what they themselves have learned somewhere, and this will be for them a “forbidden topic”, “secret” – then the child will have an increased interest in the topic Sexual relations.
If he learns everything from you, he will not treat the words of other children as a “burning secret”, and it will be reasonable to evaluate the information from peers.
Do not calm yourself, that he is still “not mature,” and he and his thoughts do not have sex. If the libido reaches the erotic stage, then hugs and kisses can go to surface petting. With superficial petting, erogenous zones are irritated, in the ordinary life naked (for example, the lips), and other erogenous zones, including the genitals, are irritated through clothing. The most frequent case of superficial petting is passionate kisses and close embrace before ejaculation and orgasm. And if a teenager has an orgasm, then from petting to sexual intercourse – just one step.
The early onset of sexual activity is most often caused not by sexual attraction – in a teenager it is still rather weak – but by improper education in the family, negative example of adults and imitation of peers, and sometimes – by defilement or seduction of the boy.
The education of the boy should be carried out by both parents. But the older the son becomes, the more his sex education should be dealt with by the father.
But most importantly – do not forget that you are bringing up your child not only with words, but with all your behavior. Children always adopt the stereotype of behavior of parents and imitate him.
If parents express their love openly, treat each other with tenderness, touch each other even in the presence of children, and the child hears that they say affectionate words to each other – then this will be a good example for him. From childhood, he will form a correct idea of marriage, that this is a union of two loving people, that there is no marriage without love. This will allow him in the future with the same tenderness and concern to treat his beloved.
In sexual education, it is important not only to give the child the necessary information and answer all his questions about the physiology of sexual relations, but also to form a view that the sexual life has an emotional aspect, so that sex without love, tenderness and concern for each other does not make sense . This will save him from meaningless and erratic sexual contacts in the formation of sexual attraction.
Many parents are extremely negative about masturbation of their child. Of course, in childhood, masturbation is an undesirable phenomenon, and parents should do everything possible so that the child does not begin to masturbate.
Prevent child masturbation can be with proper sex education, when from childhood the child knows about the anatomy of his sexual organs and does not show them increased interest. Tips for parents, how to avoid masturbation in childhood, are given in the appropriate section.
Theoretically, it is undesirable that masturbation and adolescence are involved. But, unfortunately, in practice it is usually impossible to prevent her parents. If you explain to your child the undesirability of masturbation before he begins to awaken sex drive, then perhaps you will be able to prevent it.
But if a teenager has already started masturbating, then beliefs and conversations are often useless. What do you want a teenager to do that sees erotic dreams, when he has an erection, wet dreams and orgasm, he experiences mental tension, but can not realize the attraction in another way ?!
Therefore, no matter how much you do not want to ban and force the teenager to stop masturbation, you are unlikely to succeed.
Is it really better if he starts at this age to seek sexual contacts with anyone to meet his needs? Do not suppress his libido!